What Is A Grown-up?

Recent events in my life have caused me to ponder what it means to be a grown-up.There are movies about grown-ups. With Adam Sandler starring, we all pretty much know what they're like.

In the song Harpo's Blues, Phoebe Snow says it means to bear your life in pain. This morning my achy joints argued for that definition. Oy.

The definition for “grown-up” from the online dictionary is:

1. having reached the age of maturity.
2. characteristic of or suitable for adults:
3. an adult

Which begs the question, “What is an adult?” So back to the dictionary:

1. a person who is fully grown or developed or of age
2. having attained full size and strength; grown up; mature

Biologically speaking, this definition works, but behavior is another story. I’ve been an adult for quite some time now, and I have acted like a child nonetheless. Not proud of it, and No, you can’t have the details. Trust me. It wasn’t pretty. I would say, I embarrassed myself.

How often have we heard an adult tell a youngster to grow up? Which suggests that we know the difference between childish and grown-up behavior. So for all of you who posted on Facebook that you don’t know what it means to be a grown-up, and to please let you know when I find out . . . nonsense. All of you (you know who you are) are taking care of business, making a living, raising children, etc. Perhaps you are thinking that grown-ups are arrogant, bossy, and have no fun. I don’t think so, but there are standards for adults to which we don’t hold children.

I am not suggesting that we should lose all of our childlike nature when it comes to wonder, play and trust, but I think it’s safe to say we should let go of the tantrums and the self-centeredness that typifies kid behavior. The Bible advises us to come to the Lord as a little child, which suggests trusting Him and acknowledging our deep need for Him.

At Quora.com, I found excerpts from an article by Jordan Gray - “The Differences Between Boy And Man Psychology,” 22 Nov, 2013.

Accepting Responsibility. This was mentioned or alluded to in the FB comments. Gray says, “Mature men accept responsibility for their lives. They realize that everything in their lives is a by-product of the decisions that they made at some point.”

He also says, “Not only is a mature man responsible for the problems in his own life, he also takes on the problems of those closest to him (my emphasis). Just like an ancient tribal leader, a mature man realizes that his friends and partners problems also affect him and his life… so he seeks to ease the problems of his entire social circle.” (again, my emphasis)

I think that we can draw the conclusion that the mature, grown-up person tries to ease problems, not exacerbate them. I like that.

Choosing wisely and considering others were mentioned by some of you, as well as accountability, commitment, thinking before speaking, and embracing challenges with a calm, kind, rational attitude. Sounds like a grown-up to me. We’re all on the same page here, right?

So why bring it up?

Recent events at my church resulted in some patently childish behavior on the part of some of the “grown-ups.” People were hurt and others got angry. Yes, mistakes were made, but not by the rest of the church family. Not by our brand new pastor who hadn’t yet come aboard. What I heard was akin to “You messed up, and I’m not going to play with you anymore.” Waa, waa.





If you’ve been in the Church for very long, you’ve probably heard of at least one congregation splitting over hurt feelings, someone not getting his way, or maybe even doctrine! I’m thankful that is not happening in my church family, but the seeds of division were thrown around liberally by the disenchanted few. I saw a recent post on FB. I think it applies. --->

And I might add, “Don’t do damage before you go.”

When I extend the imagery of the family, I see the comments, complaints, and decisions as a kind of divorce. Things don’t go right, somebody messes up, so . . . DIVORCE. While this can be done between spouses, (I don’t recommend it, however) how do you divorce your siblings? Or your parents? Can we divorce our kids? I hope you’re shaking your head.

By the way, did I mention there’s forgiveness? Oh my goodness! Forgiveness for people in your church? What a concept! Jesus taught us about forgiveness, mercy and grace. It is my hope that those who were offended in the church body ANYWHERE will discover these afresh. I know it’s available in my family.

And I think discerning adults can agree that this growing up thing is a “work in progress.”

(By the way, if my blog post offends you, please forgive me.)