Language Lament

When I began my teaching career at Canoga Park H. S., I became the darling of the English Dept. because I had my health class students writing essays. One of the teachers quoted me this maxim: "Every teacher is an English teacher." I never considered that my motive, but I did expect good spelling, grammar, and sentence structure in those essays. (Go figure.) Those youngsters wrote some very deep, thoughtful pieces about themselves as they explored truths, ideas, and controversies. I hope they also learned to write better.

Perhaps it is because I am a writer that I love the artful use of words and language. One of my favorite authors, James Lee Burke turns his narrative prose into poetry in many of his crime novels. For instance this from Sunset Limited:

And for that reason I dropped the roses into the water and watched them float toward the south, the green leaves beaded with water as bright as crystal, the petals as darkly red as a woman’s mouth turned toward you on the pillow for the final time.

While writing like that is as delicious and satisfying as the finest dark chocolate, most of our ordinary conversation is stripped of beauty, whittled down to bare essentials, and become sawdust on our plates. I grit my teeth whenever an adult misuses the language.

I've become increasingly concerned about the mangling of the English language both as spoken and in print. While writers often use the vernacular in dialogue and first person exposition, when a news commentator misuses a word for possibly millions to hear, I want to throw a shoe at my television. In the past, those reporting the news used perfect English, clearly pronouncing the words.

In Italy, many years ago, the form of language used on the airwaves was sometimes referred to as "radio Italian." This was necessary because of the many dialects spoken all over the country. Could we inaugurate the use of "media English" to maintain our own language?

Most Americans are exposed to every manner of shortcut writing, from email to texting, wherein spelling is sacrificed for brevity (LOL). I would hope that blogs, newspapers, and term papers would eschew the well-known abbreviations for standard English usage.  Nonstandard English (once known simply as slang or poor English) has its place in dialogue wherein the purpose is to convey more than an individual's statement, but Standard English is more than a nice idea. In  The Teacher's Grammar Book, author James D. Williams states "Standard English, because it is inclusive rather than limiting, is a basic requirement for social and economic opportunities." Although the use of the designation "nonstandard" English is considered judgmental by some, I agree with Williams, because slang or unusual dialects are understood only by a small group within the whole society. I suppose if you're a SPY it would be acceptable. You're trying to keep everything you say a secret. Right?

A few months ago, I listened to an alleged college-educated woman recite a conversation between herself and another person. It went something like this:

"I was like. . . ."

"Then he goes. . . ."

"And I'm all . . . ."

Query: What happened to "He said," "I replied," "I was (or felt)"? How on earth did we get to this place?

To make matters worse, screen performers use the same speech forms in informal settings, e.g., interviews. Movie and television personalities, who many Americans admire and whose lives and actions they follow as if it really mattered, may be able to recite lines written by others, but I fear when left to their own conversational style, they sink to the bottom of the turbid gene pool.

I read a recent article in Entertainment Weekly about a movie, wherein the star commented in this fashion:

"As soon as they were like, 'Yeah, we need to start training in July,' I was like. . . ."

[Side bar]

Challenge to the youths of America: Eliminate the word "like" from your conversation for 30 minutes a day. I dare you. I DOUBLE DOG dare you![End side bar]

While one may correct one's own grandchildren (and I do), it's quite another thing to correct another adult. You know what I mean, and I think you do!

For this reason, I’m grateful for the characters of Sheldon Cooper (DOCTOR Sheldon Cooper) in The Big Bang Theory,  

and Dr. Temperance Brennan in Bones. If you pay attention, you learn something. If not about science, certainly about grammar, word usage, sentence structure.

Not long ago, a young woman produced something of which she was very proud and said, "Wa La," which is supposed to be French, actually voila, meaning "there is," or "There!" You’ve probably heard it on television and radio as well. And herein lies the problem with word usage. We repeat what we hear, regardless of whether it’s correct. It becomes imbedded in our spoken milieu.

Now, I know that living languages change, unlike Latin, which is considered dead. For instance, the word "skitter," meaning to move in a jittery or jerky manner, in 1815 meant diarrhea. (And if you’re watching  Falling Skies, "skitters" are unsavory aliens.) Or the word "gay" which has taken on a life of its own devoid of its original cheerful definition. I can accept that . . . to a point. But who’s keeping track? Where will it all end?

[Side bar]

They even changed the lyrics to “I Feel Pretty” - here's the original. Check out the Julie Andrews rendition.

[End side bar]

I’d love to pin the blame on someone. After all, I’m American . . . it’s what we do best. But this corruption of the English language didn’t just begin. The Brits, I suspect, would say we started it right after the rebellion. Oscar Wilde wrote: "We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language." And George Bernard Shaw is famously quoted as having said, "Britain and America are two nations divided (only) by a common language."

For more on how the Brits feel, including comments on American slang, here’s a link: Mind your language Blog.

What I strongly object to is sloppy grammar, incorrect word usage and syntax in radio, television, and movies, and the previously mentioned news reporting. Kids are listening and learning. (That’s the way we learn syntax.) Most writing teachers would agree, "You need to know the rule before you can break it," but I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.

Inappropriate pronoun usage is rampant. From the Internet to the pulpit, adults are all mixed up about when to use "you and me" or "you and I," as well as him or he, her or she.

            Simple rule here: take out one; read the rest.

                             He gave the cake to you and I.

                             He gave the cake to I? NOT!

I recently read a YA Novel entitled The Fourth Stall, and although it was well done–interesting and amusing–the author continually misused the aforementioned pronouns. What? He had no editor? Kids are just learning the rules of grammar for goodness sakes, would you as an author want to undermine that process?

Using the word "anxious" in place of "eager," I can understand. It’s been done for so long. (Note: "I understand" doesn't mean I like it.) Even the Living Bible has done it. But I get real snarky when I hear someone use "anymore" in place of "these days," as in:

                              Kids are so good with computers anymore.

And there are plenty of places to go wrong:  Using "I seen," instead of "I saw" or "I have seen." And why do we say "you guys" when we are referring to both males and females? Does "you people" sound too distant, "you all" too Southern?  How about "Ladies and gentlemen"? Too much?

Not to mention fake words or nonstandard English, such as "irregardless" or "anyways." Am I being too critical?

Pronounce the "t" in often, and suffer the wrath of Sheldor the Conqueror.

It’s not that I expect everyone to speak perfect English, the King’s English, although I would like it very much. I accept that everyone messes up once in a while, even I (not me). But when the nonstandard becomes common, it’s on it’s way to being accepted. And that is not necessarily a good thing.

So, if after reading this, you come away offended, please know it was not my intention. If, on the other hand, you learned something, then my job here is done. I’m sure I’ll sleep better tonight.