BEING THERE

No, this isn’t about Peter Sellers’ dark comedy, and I hope it’s more profound than Chance the gardener’s utterances.

Two summers ago, while I was visiting the area that soon would become my new stomping grounds, I attended The Fountain Foursquare Church in Moorpark. The message, Living in Love, continues to impact me today.

In Matthew 22:35, the Jewish lawyers ask Jesus which is the greatest commandment. Jesus replies, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." He also tells them that the second greatest is like it. "Love your neighbor as yourself." And in verse 40, He in essence tells them that love is the fulfilling of the law.

Our ability to love one another is limited by our human nature, but loving supernaturally takes us beyond human love. We cannot do this without the power of God. I have physical and emotional limits and pride that get in my way. Plus, I’m busy. Right?

Jesus says in John 15:13, "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." This doesn’t mean the ultimate sacrifice of one’s life, although it did to Jesus. I have come to learn that for me it means giving up my rights for others. Making sacrifices for them.

The preacher at The Fountain said, "People who love you will sacrifice and make time for you."

And this is the part that really impacted me: Wherever you are –> BE THERE. Be fully present when you are present.

So, what does that look like? Well, I can tell you what it doesn’t look like. It’s me not texting or watching TV when someone is talking to me. It’s not surfing the Web or reading email when I’m on the phone with my mother. You can usually tell when someone is doing that, can’t you? Even though she can't see me, I think I'm being rude. I'm certainly not fully present.

I believe our modern culture prides itself on the ability to multi-task, and that we carry this to the extreme. For instance, I can work out on the treadmill while I read a book. And my son often calls me when he’s driving somewhere. No harm there, but when a friend or a relative is talking to me, multi-tasking should not be an option.

Recently, a technician came to my home to repair my television. (It’s a Vizio, and don’t get me started!) What should have been an hour, hour and a half visit turned into three hours. I left the room so that he’d get the job done, but whenever I returned, he talked about his personal life. I tried to detach myself half a dozen times before I realized that this man needed to talk. I gave up my agenda and listened. In the end, he asked me to pray for him, which I did.

This man was neither a friend nor a neighbor in the common usage of those words, but according to Jesus (see the story of the Samaritan in Luke 10), anyone in need can so qualify.

Like children. They love to talk and tell their stories (usually with too many pronouns) which are often hard to follow. But, by investing in listening to them while they are young sets the stage for their willingness to tell me important things later on. As a parent, I probably didn’t listen half as well as I do as a grandparent. Grandparents have way more time.

Listening honors people. Therefore, if I’m not one hundred percent listening, I’m dishonoring the one who is talking to me. The DVR remote does include a pause button. Or I could just turn off the TV altogether. I mean, how important is that program anyway? Couldn’t it wait so I can spend some time with a friend who has something on her mind? Why can’t I listen? Is it because I’m too wrapped up in my own life? Perhaps I need someone to talk to. Or is it because I don’t value what she is saying? Maybe. And that’s a shame. It is true that some people talk endlessly and say very little, but perhaps the honest thing to do would be to excuse myself from the conversation rather than zone out or blow them off.

It’s okay to set healthy boundaries, so that living a live style of loving includes resting when "it’s enough."

So, I’m looking for balance in investing my time in relationships by active listening, and being honest by excusing myself when I’m too tired or have an appointment. I could always set up a time to call back or grab a cup of coffee at a later date. Because I want to be fully present when you have something important to say to me. And I’d like you to do the same for me.