THE WEDDING RING

Last week, I misplaced George’s wedding ring. I have been wearing it since his memorial 6 years ago, only taking it off when swimming, applying lotion, and having MRIs. Sad and depressed, I knew it was gone, but that I would always be looking for it.

You know how it is. You misplace something, think you’ve forgotten about it, then you pull open that drawer . . . one . . . more . . . time.

Two days later, I found the ring. Where? On a book. It blended well with the glossy, gold cover design. And I had moved that book three or four times to search the bedside table. It did not fall off until I picked up the book to read it. What relief! What joy! I remembered. I took it off to apply cream, then went to sleep. By morning, I’d totally forgotten the incident. Quit snickering. You know you’ve done the same.

But it got me to thinking about wedding ring traditions and origins, and how a simple token can have so much meaning and emotion attached to it.

A search of the Web turned up some neat tidbits of information. First stop, www.todayifoundout.com.  Although in most western cultures, the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, the ring finger, other traditions place the token on the right ring finger, the thumb, or the index finger. I read somewhere about them being worn on toes, also. Can you picture that at your wedding? “Would the bride please remove her shoe?”

The Romans wore the wedding ring on the left-hand ring finger because they believed a vein in the finger, the vena amoris (vein of love), connected directly to the heart. (Of course, ultimately ALL blood vessels are connected to the heart, but who am I to argue with Rome?)

A more practical theory states that the soft metal (traditionally gold) is subject to less wear and injury on the left hand, because most people are right handed. Further, the third finger is probably the second to the least used finger on a person’s hand, after the pinkie, which is too small for a really cool wedding band.

Those whimsical Romans adopted the ring-giving tradition with their own Chauvinist twist. “Rather than offering a ring to a woman as a symbol of love, they awarded them as a symbol of ownership. Roman men would ‘claim’ their woman with the giving of a ring. Roman betrothal rings were later made of iron. They symbolized strength and permanence.” Here's a picture. Pretty?

The tradition of the wedding ring, according to various sources, dates back 4800 years to Egypt. Jewelry was often secured with a ring of twisted papyrus, and finger and toe rings have been found made of stone and various metals and precious stones. Maybe they're right. No one knows for sure. But those Egyptians LOVED jewelry. Here's an example. The patina suggests copper. 

The ring itself, a circle, symbolized eternity in many ancient cultures. The hole in the center of the ring also had significance. It wasn’t just considered a space, but rather a gateway, or door, leading to events both known and unknown. To give a woman a ring apparently signifies never-ending and immortal love. That’s a romantic notion that the high divorce rate would call into question. If you’re interested in going down that road, check out this Huffington Post article.

Biblical perspectives web page (Seventh Day Adventist) elaborates on the origin of the wedding ring, suggesting that it evolved from the seal or signet ring.

Christians adopted the betrothal ring as a symbol of marital commitment, and the wearing of such a ring was approved by Tertullian (Christian apologist of the second century) as an evidence of modesty and a symbol of a sacred pledge to one’s spouse. 

Around the 13th century, the wedding ring was dubbed by a bishop as a “symbol of the union of hearts.” That fits nicely with another theory about why the ring is worn on the third finger. During the binding part of the nuptial ceremony, as the priest recited, “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,” he would touch the ring to the thumb, the index finger, and the middle finger; then, with the “Amen,” he would place the ring on the ring finger, sealing the marriage. A nice touch. I wonder if they still do that?

Wikipedia says that in the United States, wedding rings were originally worn only by wives, but during the 20th century it became customary for husbands and wives to exchange rings. Why, you may ask? If the Wiki guys are correct, “the American jewelry industry started a marketing campaign aimed at encouraging this practice in the late 19th century.” We should have known!

The book Rings Through the Ages, by James McCarthy (quoted on the Biblical perspective site) adds this: “With the coming of war (World War II), home never seemed so precious to the young man; never did he cling so poignantly to home and wife and all that his marriage meant . . .The young bride demanded that her soldier husband have some appropriate reminder of his marital status while gallivanting around the globe.”

As the result of a successful marketing campaign (Wikipedia), today 80% of weddings in the U.S. consist of double-ring ceremonies. I'd prefer to think it's our innate romanticism. But, with seventeen tons of gold being made into wedding rings each year in the United States, you've got to score one for the jewelry industry.

When George and I married, he gave me a ring. I remember picking it out at the Diamond & Jewelry Exchange at Roosevelt Field on Long Island. It’s made of two Italian chains spun to flatten and joined into a ring. Three small diamonds grace the top in a swoosh setting. It was engagement and wedding ring in one, and fit nicely on my small hands.

We did not purchase a ring for George, but a year later we picked out one at a similar jewelry exchange in Los Angeles. It, too, was made from a chain.

I like to think of our rings as symbolizing strength and permanence, a reminder of our commitment to one another. There were many temptations for both of us, especially during the early years of our marriage. But every time I’d look at that ring, I’d remember what I had promised, the sacred pledge made before God, our friends and family. Wedding rings used to signify to the world that the wearer was unavailable. I felt that in some way my ring protected me. As I said, it used to be that way.

We both wore our rings everyday for the next 24 years. I remember taking off my ring after George’s death. Can’t remember exactly when, but I remember the pain in my heart. He was gone, and my marriage was over. I could not wear that ring one more day. Then I picked up his ring and found that it fit perfectly on the middle finger of my left hand. I felt strangely comforted. I wear it there every day, because it was his, it had touched him for 24 years. So when I turn it on my finger, I feel a connection to him. Losing it felt awful - like I was losing another part of him. Finding it restored me. It’s just a piece of jewelry, right? But no. It was . . . is a symbol of the union of our hearts. To my mind, all of the words I have written above that are attached to wedding rings apply.

Never-ending and immortal love. Until death do us part? Not yet.